Tag Archives: Trump

ZIEG HEIL, TRUMP!

Cover from a German magazine.

After months of listening to Republican enablers, sycophants and outright stooges of President Trump offer their abject fealty to their leader, I am now seriously worried about the fate and future of our country and its constitution.

Not since Adolph Hitler has a human being so flawed, selfish and self-aggrandizing been allowed to run roughshod over the country that elected him into power. The framers of our constitution saw exactly the rise of a politician like Trump and built into the spine of our laws the balance of powers and the mandate to impeach any president who abused his powers or degraded his office.

In attempting to extort Ukraine into conducting a bogus investigation of a political rival, and holding up critically needed military aid to force their obeisance to his wishes, Trump has abused his powers, degraded his office and trashed our constitution.

Today in the Senate we are witnessing the frightening power of one man popular enough—FEARED enough—to cast a gripping, paralyzing shadow over the independence and integrity of the political party that once ranked Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt amongst its ranks. Gone are the statesmen and stateswomen of that party, replaced by those who would cling to power at any cost, no matter the damage to the country they will leave behind for their children and ours.

Gone, too, is any semblance of balance between the pillars of our government. Those pillars will be torn down the exact moment the Republican-controlled Senate votes to acquit the man who would accept no boundaries to his power, and no oversight of his actions. Once acquitted, he will proclaim his exoneration and immediately resume his unconstitutional efforts to bolster his power and enrich himself by amounts too staggering to contemplate. Which is really only a continuation of his behavior to date.

This is not the place to argue Trump’s guilt or innocence. Like the thief who was caught with his hand in your pocket, he isn’t worthy of defense. He isn’t worthy of arguments that deny his intent or attempt to confuse the issue. He is guilty, and what’s more every single one of his Republican defenders knows it. As do his attorneys and the fawning sycophants at Fox News.

We shouldn’t be arguing about his guilt or innocence. We should be yanking his hand out of our pocket!

Alexander Hamilton wisely predicted the advent of a self-aggrandizing president with these words, recalled by Adam Schiff today in his Senate oratory: “When a man unprincipled in private life desperate in his fortune, bold in his temper, possessed of considerable talents, having the advantage of military habits—despotic in his ordinary demeanor—known to have scoffed in private at the principles of liberty—when such a man is seen to mount the hobby horse of popularity—to join in the cry of danger to liberty—to take every opportunity of embarrassing the General Government & bringing it under suspicion—to flatter and fall in with all the non sense of the zealots of the day—it may justly be suspected that his object is to throw things into confusion that he may ‘ride the storm and direct the whirlwind.'”

And now, owing to the weakness and cowardice of Trump’s Republican enablers, we are about to see the rise of a United States President truly unbounded by honesty, compassion, respect for his office or concerns about the welfare of those he governs. A president who, like Adolph Hitler, will unerringly follow his worst instincts.

Heaven help us all!

TRUMPED, THUMPED AND DUMPED!

There’s a pattern I’ve detected in the behavior of Donald J. Trump, whether as a mega-rich real estate developer, a sex-crazed libertine, or the holder of the highest office in our land. 

As undeniable as his serial bankruptcies, is Trump’s serial tendency to swoop down on a coveted prize, be it a beautiful woman or the presidency of the United States, and take it for his own. No matter what obstacles stand in the way. Once in his possession, the prize is claimed and to the fullest extent possible consumed by Trump to satiate his unquenchable thirst.

Donald gets an eyeful.

With women, Trump uses his charm (amply magnified by the allure of his self-publicized wealth) and his snake-oil sales pitch to wear down or tear down any resistance. When those fail, he is not above using force. Or so say at least 23 women who have accused Trump of everything from peeping tom behavior to groping, rape and sexual assault.

E. Jean Carroll, a New York City journalist, recently recounted her rape by Trump 23 years ago in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room. Trump’s denial: she wasn’t pretty enough to qualify for his attentions.

E. Jean Caroll wearing the outfit she was wearing when Trump allegedly raped her.

As the final act in his sexual peccadillos, Trump usually dumps his accusers, calls them liars, reviles them, then threatens to sue. 

This pattern of behavior, which I term “Trumped, Thumped and Dumped,” applies as well to his behavior towards the Republican party, though it is still too early to tell how irreparably damaged republicans will be once Trump sucks the marrow from their bones and dumps them. As he certainly will. 

Trump has already bullied the Republicans into abandoning their principles in service to his avarice and self-gratification. Honesty, integrity and fiscal prudence have been thrown out the window. A political party that once stood resolutely against the Russian threat is now reduced to repeating Russian-sourced propaganda, and turning a blind eye to presidential behavior that puts Russia’s interests ahead of ours.

And lastly—frightening as it is—we must look to Trump’s corrosive impact on the United States, once held as democracy’s future and the world’s hope for the weak, the dispossessed and the downtrodden. The pride we once felt as a melting pot nation has been abandoned and reviled. Brown-skinned immigrants are no longer welcome. Nor are Muslims, people with accents, or anyone from Trump-labeled “shithole” countries.

As of mid-October, 2019, 13,435 false or misleading claims.

And what a thumping we are taking. Our electoral system has been violated, our constitution is under relentless assault, our deficit has ballooned to $22.6 trillion, and the leader of our country tells more lies than his Russian puppet-masters. We’ve become a nation divided, a country so committed to the primacy of corporate interests and military excess, we cannot afford to ensure the health or welfare of our people. A second Trump term, with a Republican majority in the Senate, would usher in the biggest assault on Social Security ever seen. Medicare, too!

The only question left to answer is whether the man who promised to make America great again, will dump America before he kills off every trace of its greatness.

A nation divided by Trump.

WHY I JOINED THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. A confession from a former liberal.

Is this my personal crossroads?

(F-BOMB ALERT: The following satiric essay contains multiple F-Bombs. Read at your own discretion!) 

After much deliberation, I am making two historic announcements. First off, I proudly announce I am officially, as of today, renouncing my pie-in-the-sky, do-gooder liberal bias, and applying for membership in the fabled ranks of Republican Americanus. Yes, I am joining the Republican Party. I admit to being a Scrooge-like tightwad. I admit to hating everyone under 45, and everyone with less than a million dollars in their portfolio, and of course toto el mundo who weren’t born in the good old United States of America. 

America is for Americans, we Republicans always say, and you’re not really an American if you’re not smart enough to have earned a small fortune. Doesn’t matter how you earned that fortune, but if you made it by swindling old ladies out of their pensions, so much the better! And if you’re looking for a political party that will help you hold onto every penny of that fortune, even if it means having to dismantle social security and medicare, then look no further. You are a born Republican, as I am, and you’re tired of all those lazy and ignorant sons of bitches, like immigrants and convicts, who won’t get a job and who multiply like sex-starved rabbits living off our wealth and largesse. 

Yes, I, Paul Steven Stone, after years of haranguing the Republicans for starting unnecessary wars, torturing enemy prisoners, ignoring the poor and middle class, representing elite and wealthy interests, stifling our liberties, protecting polluters and bugging our phones, I’ve stopped pretending I think more of others than I do of myself. I now proudly admit that I am #1! It’s all about me! My money (my family, my friends…Did I mention my money?) And nobody takes care of ME and MINE like the Republican Party. Which leads to my second announcement…

Today, as we face unprecedented scandals and political divisions (also termed an “era of great opportunity” by our president), I hereby announce my intention of running for Representative from the 11th Congressional District of Massachusetts. Running, of course, as a Republican. That means, I will take any and all contributions from anyone trying to buy influence with me. It means I will immediately tie my hands as a future lawmaker by signing a pledge that will force me to vote against any measure that might raise tax revenues. Even if America badly needs them!

Just know that I will never disappoint you. I will be your voice, your conscience, and your balls…all in one! As your Republican representative, I will say “Fuck you!” to old people, poor people, immigrants and minorities with every vote I take. I will say “Fuck you!” to any government program that aids or assists those less fortunate than yourself. Especially any program that cleans up the environment. I will say “Fuck You!” to anyone who thinks our government exists to serve people over corporate interests. Just listen for the echo of every vote I take as your Republican representative, “Fuck You!” “Fuck You!” “Fuck You!”

And then there’s the biggest “Fuck You!” of all: my vote against impeaching President Trump. Only a Republican could justify voting for someone who willingly, with no thought or conscience, placed our entire democratic system at peril! Just to get the goods on Joe Biden!

Only a Republican would have the balls to tell the entire country that the words they read, and heard over and over—words documenting Trump’s phone call—said exactly the opposite of what people thought they heard or read.

Just think of all the fun I’ll have in Congress as a Republican…!  I’ll get to obfuscate my anti-climate voting record. I’ll get to pretend that dismantling social security will be an improvement to the way things are now. 

As your Republican representative, I will say “Fuck you!” to old people, poor people, immigrants and minorities with every vote I take.

Not only that, I’ll get to spend desperately-needed funds on building a wall, or rebuilding a nuclear arsenal. And even though I possess no scientific understanding or basis of knowledge to refute scientifically-proven-and-accepted realities, I will get to belittle science and fuck the environment with every vote I take. 

How much fun is that!

I will also get to argue against increasing taxes on ridiculously wealthy people; arguing that it would only discourage the creation of jobs.

I love that one! Like a billionaire is going to cut back on making more billions because his government asked him to pay his fair share of taxes! Right! What the hell does taxing wealthy people have to do with creating jobs? Are billionaires holding back on creating new jobs out of spite? If they are, that’s pretty pissy of them!

Enough of this stupidity. Forget all logic, put your own vested interests aside, ignore the fact I will only represent your interests half-heartedly, most of my attention going to the needs of the 1%, and vote for Paul Steven Stone (Republican) as your next Congressman. It’s time to bring back amoral, conscienceless, selfish, right-wing sense to the Massachusetts political landscape. Remember, it’s not what your country can do for its people that counts, it’s what your country can do for YOU. 

Thank you and God Bless The United States of America!

Please, God!

It’s Time To Play “OBFUSCATION!”

Here it is, boys and girls. And just in time for the holidays. “OBFUSCATION!!” The game that takes the art of conversation and turns it into a political cat-and-mouse game.

Whether you play the INQUISITOR or the REPUBLICAN, “OBFUSCATION!” will forever challenge your notion of what it means to tell the truth. Especially when you belong to a political party tasked with selling your collective souls to defend Donald Trump against an impeachment he fully deserves.

INQUISITOR: Okay, to start: At which hotel did Rudy Giuliani and his two Soviet henchmen stay when visiting Kiev?

REPUBLICAN: The Hotel Perfidy, where Joe Biden and his son Hunter always stay…when hiding out in Kiev.

INQUISITOR: How can Donald Trump deny there was a quid pro quo when his own transcript has him shaking down Zelensky on the phone call?

REPUBLICAN: There is no quid pro quo on the phone call. Your eyes, ears, or maybe your political inclinations, betray you. The bribe, if you want to call it that, was never consummated. Zelensky never actually announced the investigations. No quid pro quo when you ain’t got the quo, bro. 


“OBFUSCATION:” A Game For Republicans
In The Era of Trump

INQUISITOR:  We’ve just gone through two weeks of witnesses testifying about Trump and Giuliani’s shadow foreign policy. Do we know yet why that Ukrainian oligarch paid Rudy $500,000?

REPUBLICAN: I believe that was a one-time payment for Rudy helping the oligarch reset his iPhone. 

INQUISITOR: Are you aware that Donald Trump claimed no prior acquaintance with either Lev Parnas or Igor Fruman, Mr. Giuliani’s arrested associates, even though both appear in numerous photographs with Mr. Trump? 

Such as this one at the circumcision, or briss, of Mr. Parnas’ first-born son?

REPUBLICAN: And who is that next to the president in the photo?

INQUISITOR: That’s the blade man himself, the circumciser, who within the tribe is called a moyel.  

REPUBLICAN: No matter; the president takes pictures with thousands of people. Many of whom he does not know. That could be from any of a hundred brisses the president attends in a month.

INQUISITOR: Okee-dokee, have it your way. For the rest of us… It’s time to play, DOUBLE OBFUSCATION! That’s the speed dial version of our game in which the Republican gets lightning-fast questions and no time to think about his response, which must be in the form of a question. Are you ready?

REPUBLICAN: Was that your first question?

INQUISITOR: Ohh, very good. You’re a genuine smart ass, aintcha? And my real first question is: Gordan Sondland?

REPUBLICAN: Which totally inexperienced millionaire diplomat was appointed Ambassador to the European Union, with immediate membership in the legendary Three Amigos of many fanciful Ukraine adventures? 

INQUISITOR: Second question: The amount of military aid Trump withheld from Ukraine?

REPUBLICAN: Aha! Trick question! Ukraine ultimately received its military aid, therefore my answer must be…Which country’s totally withheld military aid equals Zero?

INQUISITOR: If a poll came out showing a majority of Americans favor impeaching and removing the president, what would you say?

REPUBLICAN: Fake news?

INQUISITOR: And if I tell you the president definitely committed an impeachable offense, what would you say?

REPUBLICAN: Impeachable offence? For what? For threatening to withhold critical military supplies to a country at war with Russia? For putting an entire country—and the national security of the United States of America—at risk? For his own personal gain? What’s impeachable about that?

INQUISITOR: And if you saw the president shooting someone on Fifth Avenue, what would you say?

REPUBLICAN: It was an accident. I mean, how could he know the gun was loaded?

TAKE ONE TRUMP DAILY

Astral Lunacy Labs introduces Trump, the heartache accelerant most prescribed by Russian doctors. When taken as a daily dose either through the eyes and ears, or as a suppository, Trump is an effective means to create seismic fissures within America while accelerating its decline into right-wing, conservative dominance.

In a doctor-supervised research study, Trump was proven to quickly absorb all excess government funds—even those not necessarily deemed excess—to be quickly deposited into a Trump-owned bank account. As well as the money normally spent by those government departments put out of business by Rudy Giuliani and his Soviet mafia.

Do not take Trump if you are allergic to loud, insufferable, rich boy bullies. All blacks, Hispanics, and citizens from shithole countries should be especially careful when taking Trump as you will increase your likelihood of abject discrimination, sub-standard government service, forced separation from your children, or even deportation (on a day when Melania isn’t watching).

Stop taking Trump immediately if you find yourself afraid to pick up your daily paper. You may need psychological help if you’ve taken Trump in extra large dosages, or if you work in the State Department, as your head might seriously explode.  

Please note: Trump will no longer be available in Ukraine.