Tag Archives: humor

“P.S. I Fucked You!”

(The following is my idea of a never-delivered Donald Trump commencement speech at Trump University)

“Dear Graduates of Trump University,

“Today is a proud day for all of you. I offer my congratulations and best wishes, along with a treasure trove of advice that should put you one step ahead of the competition—and the law—as you pursue your journey towards untold wealth and public admiration.

“Most of what I am about to say was taught to me by my mentor, Roy Cohn, a man of prodigious talent and wisdom who was almost single-handedly responsible for America’s  internecine chaos under McCarthyism. 

“Roy always told me there were five essential rules to success, no matter what endeavor you take on. As the cherry on your cupcake here at Trump University, I am about to reveal Roy’s five essential rules for success.

Rule Number One has three parts: Cheat, Cheat and Cheat Yet Again. Not just cheating your adversaries, Roy advised me, but friends, family, employees, vendors and virtually anyone dumb enough to trust you or take what you say on faith.

“If you are pursuing a billionaire’s career in real estate, like we train you for at Trump University, always cheat on the square footage you are selling or buying. If selling, add a 10% increase to the square footage. If buying, protest that you’re being cheated by a 10% overcharge on the footage. Either way, it’s unlikely anyone will bother to check. 

Rule number One applies in any field you can think of. In politics, for example, if you’re running for office, steal ballots, falsify results, and blame your opponent for every crime you can think of. When you’re desperate, claim he’s a pedophile, then doctor photographs so he’s shown hanging around schoolyards with his hands in his pockets. 


DJT and his Trump U. cheerleaders

“Basically you have to use your imagination. One of my favorite cheats was to build my Trump towers two stories higher than the building permits would allow. Most times nobody checks on that sort of thing, but when they did I pleaded ignorance and threatened to sue them if they bothered me any further. If they still persisted, I would grudgingly agree, express my regrets, then reduce the building by a single storey.

“It’s worth noting that nothing works better or more efficiently than the threat of a lawsuit, especially from someone with enough wealth to drain all one’s savings in lawyer’s fees.

In order to deal with the aftermath of Rule Number One, you must then employ Rule Number Two, which is simply Lie, Lie, And Lie Again. 

“As you can easily see, Rule Number Two works hand in glove with Rule Number One. When anyone accuses you of cheating, immediately accuse them of slander. And even if they have proof of your cheating, double down on your denials and once again threaten to sue.

Rule Number Three is a two-parter, as well as an outgrowth of Rules Number One and Number Two: Never Admit To Your Crime and Never, Never, Never Apologize. If they catch you with your hand in the cookie jar, admit to nothing except perhaps conducting a cookie jar inventory. If you have cookie crumbs around your mouth, insist you are being framed. If they catch you actually chewing cookies, deny it adamantly and try not to spit crumbs into anyone’s face as you do it.

Rule Number Four only makes sense when you’re in a position of power or higher leverage. Put simply, Rule Number Four requires you to Scare The Living Shit Out Of Your Adversaries. And for this exercise, assume everyone in the world is an adversary. It’s a simple fact that the more successful you become the more adversaries you will accumulate. Scaring The Living Shit Out Of Your Adversaries requires you to throw tantrums, physically intimidate lowly employees, sue people at the drop of a hat and fire anyone who resists your orders or calls out your bad behavior. And, as a last resort, use force or the threat of force to coerce your adversary so he understands your absolute rights in any situation. 

E. Jean Caroll was allegedly “taken” in a Bergdorf-Goodman changing room.

“Roy’s last rule is built on the assumption you are ready to employ Rules Number One through Four. Put in its simplest terms, Rule Number Five insists that you Take Whatever You Want. If you want something bad enough, be it real estate, a romantic partner or a business deal, once you find that it isn’t nailed down, locked up or beyond your grasp, take it, and take it for keeps.

“And so you have my—and Roy Cohn’s—Five Rules For Success. As with most of what you’ve been offered at Trump University there is no charge for the offering, only an enormous service fee to cover my expenses and any class action suits that may arise from your involvement with Trump University.

“As my final words, I close with a postscript usually included at the bottom of most of my subpoenas, legal filings, excessive invoices and letters to adversaries. Please take it as a sign of my respect and appreciation for all you’ve donated during your attendance at Trump University.

“P.S. I fucked you!”

WELCOME TO THE DONALD J. TRUMP PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY

“Welcome, welcome! We are pleased to welcome you to the Best Presidential Library in the United States. Inside these glorious gilded walls you will find mementoes and exhibits relating to the abbreviated presidential term of Donald J. Trump, the only president with an asterisk after his name in the history books. 

The Consigliere

“An asterisk after a president’s name, as President Trump has frequently stated, denotes a presidency of exceptional accomplishment and stratospheric Nielson ratings. Those who argue the asterisk has other, less laudatory meanings, have been proven liars or placed under indictment by Mr. Trump’s official consigliere, William Barr.

Not shown in photo: President Trump walking behind with shovel and broom.

“As you move into the library, in the room on your left, you will notice a diorama depicting a bare-chested Vladamir Putin hunting Siberian tigers on horseback, with President Trump walking behind carrying broom and shovel. This is the library’s famous “Hunting Buddies” room. 

“Just next door is President Trump’s “My Funny Valentine” room featuring photos of North Korea’s Kim Jung-Un, also on horseback, and also followed by the president carrying broom and shovel. And, yes, that is a cupid shown hovering above the two men.

Visitors to The Miss Universe Pageant room.

“Next, to the right, is The Miss Universe Pageant room, to celebrate an earlier period in the President’s long and varied career. Note the racks of beautiful gowns and bathing suits, as well as dressing rooms for pageant contestants. As this is an interactive library, all attractive women visitors between the ages of 22 and 38 are encouraged to try on one of the beauty queen outfits in the dressing rooms, and to ignore the closed circuit cameras they’ll find in each. Those cameras are solely to prevent theft. Every day, one lucky visitor will be chosen to have President Trump walk in while she is dressing, a sign of favor often shown to pageant contestants through the years.

One of President Trump’s 23 accusers.

Moving along, we come to the library’s most controversial exhibit, The Jungle Room (occasionally called “Liars, Sluts, Bimbos and Litigants” by the president). Those 23 life-size statues represent the malicious women who have falsely charged President Trump with improper sexual advances ranging from peeping tom-ism to groping to, yes, even rape. In addition to suing each of his accusers for slander, President Trump has offered to pay a small sum towards their survivor’s therapy.

“Lost your home? Here’s something to make you feel better!”

“That darkened room on the right, ladies and gentlemen, is filled with flags from every nation the President has humorously termed a “shithole” country. In addition to most African and South American nations, you will find the flags of Mexico, Ukraine and Puerto Rico. We obviously realize Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory, but President Trump insisted they be included. On the movie screen in the back you can see a continuous loop of President Trump tossing paper towels to those who lost their homes in Hurricane Maria. 

Two of the featued statues in “The Rogues Gallery” room. For just $20 you can throw rocks and try to dunk them in their tanks.

“Next on the right, as we turn this corner, is the most controversial room in the library, “The Rogues Gallery,” in which you will find animatronic statues of the President’s most strident and ardent enemies. Inside you will find life-sized statues of Robert Mueller, Rod Rosenstein, Lt. Colonel Alexander Vindman, Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch and many others who trampled on President Trump’s constitutionally-authorized right to do whatever-the-hell he wants as president. Also featured, suspended over dunk tanks, are Nancy Pelosi and Adam Schiff. For a modest $20 fee, visitors can toss rocks at both statues, with a chance to win a jackpot should they knock either statue off its perch. All monies collected, as with the $50 library admittance fee, will be donated to President Trump’s favorite charity.

President Trump making one of his tough presidential decisions.

“You ask about that Doomsday clock on the wall near the Fox News Room display…? President Trump personally commissioned that clock to keep track of the many millions spent on security details for his golfing vacations at Mar-A-Lago. Once the sum rose above $100 million, there was some concern the expenses would unknowingly drain the United States Treasury, but the president wasn’t so much worried about the treasury as curious about how much the Secret Service was spending at his resort. Reports have him very pleased.

From the Trump Library’s Obama Room.

“Now, watch your step as you enter the last room in our library and museum, the “Obama Room.” Filled with photos of President Barack Obama pasted on gun range targets, dart boards and punching bags, this is the room most visited and utilized by the president himself. Notice the papers in the fireplace. They consist of every executive order and bill signed by President Obama during his term, as well as hundreds of birth certificates from Kenya that prove Obama’s foreign birth.

“Please be careful as you leave the library, folks! There is a U.S. military drone circling the library in the upper atmosphere. Any sudden move by an individual of color or someone wearing Muslim dress could trigger an unwarranted attack similar to the assassination of Qasem Soleimani of Iran. 

This rocket could be aimed at you.

“If you wish to purchase insurance to avoid such an attack, you can pay Rudy Giuliani or Vice President Mike Pence $1000 as you leave. As with the other fees, all monies collected will go directly to the President’s favorite charity. 

“Can you guess what that might be?”

THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN LEAF.

Results from one of the largest indivdual scientific studies ever conducted.

NOTE: The following is an excerpt from Paul Steven Stone’s acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize in Occult Home Sciences.

“Honored Dignitaries and Members of the Swedish Academy:

“Much has been written about the drop pattern of the American Leaf (see Stern’s “Up To My Sternum in Autumn,” Windblown Press, 2003) but prior to my research it was firmly believed Leafus Americanus fell but once a season.

“Today of course, we know each leaf falls not once but on many occasions. Repeatedly, in fact, as I was able to prove. Ironically, it was a casual remark by my lovely lab assistant (who was not yet my wife) that ultimately led the way to my breakthrough discovery. She was lying on the living room couch, if I recall rightly, examining the leaf-raking oval blisters on both her lovely palms. Upon my suggestion that she return to our yard and continue raking leaves, she replied, “You should live so long. I’ll wait till after they refall.”

“Refall?” I said to myself. “Refall?” The word echoed and re-echoed through my mind. “Was it possible?” I asked myself. “Could leaves actually fall more than once?”

“Within minutes I organized a press gang of laboratory assistants (my three children) and together we began the torturous process of gathering and marking all the remaining leaves in our yard with my name. Afterwards, leaving my assistants to dispose of the test specimens in the woods behind our house, I went inside to pursue a parallel investigation I’d been conducting on the National Football League.

“The first returns on our efforts were quite dispiriting. Although a voluminous colony of leaves did reappear on my property, and the trees above remained as starkly bare of their leaves as before, none of the new arrivals bore any of our test markings. Chagrined, I went into the woods and measured the piles of our marked specimens, discovering to my surprise they had diminished quite dramatically in height.

“Here then was a double mystery. Not only could I not account for the new leaves on my lawn, I was at a loss to explain the apparent disappearance of many of my test subjects.

Leafus Americanus

“A week later both mysteries were solved with a single phone call, the first of many I would later receive.

“You Paul Steven Stone?” the caller asked; he appeared to be breathing heavily and short of breath, which produced a most ominous sounding intake and release of air. Assured that I was indeed Paul Steven Stone, he began displaying a limited vocabulary of expletives, most of which he was forced to repeat once or twice in the length of that brief phone call. He ended the call with terse suggestions as to what I might do with all the leaves I had dumped upon his property.

“At last the breakthrough I had been seeking! And it was more startling than I could ever have hoped. For not only had my leaves fallen again, as my wife (or lab assistant, if you wish) suggested they might, but they had actually travelled two and a half miles to do so. Later phone calls confirmed my discovery, also revealing migratory patterns that ranged as far away as six miles from the test site. The threats and foul language I endured from my callers, however, were far more limited in their range, a sad testimony to the failings of our current educational system.

“You’ll be pleased to hear my research continues, and before long I expect to publish preliminary findings that will cause all of us to reassess our beliefs about the sex life of Leafus Americanus.

“All I can say at present is that the little fellow is surprisingly promiscuous.”

TAKE ONE TRUMP DAILY

Astral Lunacy Labs introduces Trump, the heartache accelerant most prescribed by Russian doctors. When taken as a daily dose either through the eyes and ears, or as a suppository, Trump is an effective means to create seismic fissures within America while accelerating its decline into right-wing, conservative dominance.

In a doctor-supervised research study, Trump was proven to quickly absorb all excess government funds—even those not necessarily deemed excess—to be quickly deposited into a Trump-owned bank account. As well as the money normally spent by those government departments put out of business by Rudy Giuliani and his Soviet mafia.

Do not take Trump if you are allergic to loud, insufferable, rich boy bullies. All blacks, Hispanics, and citizens from shithole countries should be especially careful when taking Trump as you will increase your likelihood of abject discrimination, sub-standard government service, forced separation from your children, or even deportation (on a day when Melania isn’t watching).

Stop taking Trump immediately if you find yourself afraid to pick up your daily paper. You may need psychological help if you’ve taken Trump in extra large dosages, or if you work in the State Department, as your head might seriously explode.  

Please note: Trump will no longer be available in Ukraine.

Queen Hillary And The Donald, A Cliff Notes Shakespearean Parody

The Tragic Comedy Of

Queen Hillary And The Donald

A Play by William Shakespeare

(as channeled by Paul Steven Stone)

dh4

SETTING:

The Island Nation of Amerikka, a small banana republic off the northeast coast of Central America. Time: Election season 2016. After a bitterly fought Dollarcratic primary race, Hillary Clinton emerges the victor, seemingly unscathed by the myriad scandals, health controversies and cries of ‘Election fraud!’ that swirl around her. She is literally weeks away from finally winning the throne of the Chief Potentate of Amerikka. The question now is whether any dramatic leak or evidence of a crime will emerge in the final weeks of the campaign, and will it be of sufficient weight and shock value to stop the Hillary Victory Train…?

MAIN CHARACTERS:

(Queen) Hillary Clinton, whose plot to become—at any cost!—the Chief Potentate of Amerikka is the driving force of this recently discovered Shakespearean play.

Amerikka is a small island republic shkspr1with a democratic tradition going back over 200 years, And, yes, its principal export is bananas. Amerikka prides itself on its much vaunted reputation for holding free and fair elections; little realizing Hillary Clinton—Queen Hillary!—and her Dollarcratic Party had just run rougshod over Bernie Sanders and his millions of supporters in the primaries. Hillary and her DNC minions do anything and everything to win the primaries, hacking into voting machines and changing election results; dropping Bernie supporters off the voting rolls or changing their registered party affiliations so they couldn’t vote in the Dollarcratic primary.

Hillary picked Bernie’s pocket, ate his lunch, cleaned his clock. It wasn’t the will of the people but the will of one woman that determined the results of  Amerikka’s primary elections. And nobody knows anything about it because the nation’s press is completely—and complicitly— silent about the many clumsy, very visible signs of election fraud that popped up everywhere during the primaries,

hd3Hillary’s oft quoted line from the first act of Queen Hillary And The Donald, ”To Cheat Or Not To Cheat…?” became a battle cry for mid- and upper-level bank executives when this, the first new Shakespearan play in 400 years, was first performed in London’s Globe Theater. Hillary’s sobering soliloquy, “To Cheat Or Not To Cheat…?”  still resonates in the corridors of power, especially among those chasing fame and fortune in Washington, D.C.

In taking over the Dollarcratic National Committee (DNC), brain trust of Amerikka’s historically liberal political party, Hillary Clinton successfully gains control of one of two mechanisms that feed Chief Potentate candidates to the Amerikkan republic and its people.

Anointing herself Chief Potentate of Amerikka will be as simple as Hillary consolidating her control of the DNC, something that receives a big boost whenshkspr7 her former campaign manager and current henchwoman, Debbie Whattsup Schultz, is appointed Chairperson of the DNC, a position from which she can easily reach out to state Dollarcratic parties for clandestine help in sabotaging Hillary’s opponents’ campaigns, if necessary.

Hillary’s master plot receives an even bigger boost when Donald J. Trump, The Donald himself, wins the Repugnant Party’s presidential nomination. It is thought Donald is the only Repugnant Party candidate a much-wounded Hillary could actually beat in the general election.

Most of this—not The Donald part, of course, but the rest—all flows from an agreement between Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and the Dollarcratic leadership in 2008. The Clintons, acting swiftly to offset Hillary’s loss of the Dollarcratic primary, conspired secretly with soon-to-be-President Obama and the bh1rest of the party’s leaders to ensure Hillary’s ascension as the next Chief Potentate—of course after Obama’s two terms are up. The first installment of Obama’s obligation in the deal is to appoint Hillary Secretary of State. A small price to pay for her endorsement which helps unite the party after a hard fought and divisive primary.

Amerikka is such a tightly controlled banana republic that the Political and Financial Elite that control the country are quickly able to reach agreement to clamp down on the federal government and the mainstream press, tightly enough to a.) protect Hillary from being prosecuted for her crimes, and b.) enforce a total blackout on Dollarcratic primary rivals Bernie Sanders and Martin O’Malley; and c.) ensure Hillary wins the Chief Potentate’s job, a seat of immense power she will immediately share with Bill, assuming he can keep his hands off the interns. But the one element neither Hillary nor Bill, nor the entire Dollarcratic establishment takes into consideration is the Joker in the deck, Jullian Assange.

Julian (The Joker) Assange, founder of Wikileaks and fearless advocate for julian-assangehonesty and transparency in government. Assange, hidden away at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, is leaking Hillary’s dark secrets in a drip-drip-drip scenario that rivals Chinese Water Torture. Meanwhile the entire world watches and waits to see how much of Assange’s daily damage Hillary’s campaign can sustain. It is Assange who leaks DNC emails that prove the fix was in for Hillary almost a year before the primaries. Assange who hints the murder of 27-year-old DNC worker Seth Rich may have been a calculated response to the leaked DNC emails (making Rich the 51st mysterious death in the infamous Clinton body count). Assange who Hillary hates. Assange who threatens to release something too incriminating for the authorities to ignore.  jesterAssange whose life is at risk, his enemies having far too much power not to be feared. Especially since he represents the last major obstacle between Hillary and the Chief Potentate’s Palace. Having once suggested sending a drone to kill Assange, Hillary, too much in the spotlight at the moment to risk murder, is forced to sit patiently and wonder which of her manifold private conversations and nefarious deeds will next appear in the nation’s 24 hour news cycle.  Meanwhile Hillary and her DNC minions have concocted a story placing blame for the leaks on the Russians, hoping to divert attention away from the content of the leaks themselves. Not surprisingly, the FBI has been brought into the frame to confirm the Russian cover story and create more distraction from leaked evidence of Hillary’s election fraud. Which brings us to…

The Amerikkan Federal Government. Much like any federal agency in a backwater banana Republic, the Amerikkan government is an easily corrupted eagle1tool of the ruling elite. Nowhere was that fact more evident than when the much-feared and once-respected Federal Bureau of Investigation became a lapdog to Queen Hillary when investigating her use of a private email server in the basement of her house. Those in the know are not surprised by FBI Director, James Comey testifying that Hillary has NOT committed a crime; that her extremely careless handling of our nation’s most guarded secrets clearly jeopardized the country’s security, but wasn’t the result of any criminally culpable intent on Hillary’s part.

Net result: Hillary walks!

Additionally, nobody in the country buys Attorney General Loretta Lynch’s explanation of why Bill Clinton and she had a secret meeting on the tarmac of the Phoenix airport just three days before the FBI exonerates Queen Hillary. “We were just talking about our grandchildren, and golf,” the AG explains, amazingly without once smirking. The meeting was only reported because a TV reporter just happened to see Clinton walk onto Lynch’s private plane.” Both the Justice Department and the FBI have seen their reputations and moral authority dramatically damaged by their reluctance to do their duty when it comes to Queen Hillary. Lucky for them, the toothless national press seems highly disinterested in government malfeasance. Speaking of which…

The Mainstream Media is played, according to Shakespeare’s explicit instructions, by two actors, both seemingly blind, whose main contribution for most of the play consists of walking into walls, falling off the stage and running down blind alleys.

Donald J. Trump, (The Donald), brash and coarse billionaire and surprise victor donaldin the Repugnant primaries, whose egomania and sexist world view, not to mention a perverted need for self-entertainment, serves to add tension and humor to Shakespeare’s ongoing narrative of Hillary Clinton’s rise and fall.

Suspense builds through the audience’s slowly-forming realization that Trump, little more than a sleazy snake oil salesman at best, could easily, through the slightest twist of fate, win the presidency and, yes, gain access to the nuclear missilecodes! It never seems likely, but it does remain frighteningly possible; a prospect so chilling it makes Donald J. Trump unpalatable to the majority of mature, rational adults in Amerikka while he remains an entertaining foil to the excessively serious White Christian Men of the Repugnant Party.

Donald struggles to understand the press, which once loved every golden word that passed through his lips, but now, from the moment he won the nomination, the media has developed an antipathy towards Trump as strong as their former fascination. He understands they’ve changed their attitude towards him, he just can’t understand why.

bdConspiracists won’t be surprised to learn Trump’s longtime friend and golfing buddy, Bill Clinton, was the first to advise Donald to run for the presidency.

 

Victims Four: Four middle-aged women claiming to have been abused by the victims-fourClintons. Three of the victims (on left) —Kathleen Wiley, Juanita Broadrick and Paula Jones—accuse Bill Clinton of sexual assault, the fourth victim (on right) was a 12-year-old rape victim whose 42-year-old rapist was vigorously defended by a young Hillary Clinton many years ago in Arkansas. All four are brought together by Donald Trump for a press interview one hour before a scheduled presidential debate. In keeping with the press’ unified stance on protecting Hillary, CNN is the only one of the major broadcast or cable networks to give it any air time. And they mysteriously lose their audio of the event, so all you see are soundless pictures of the four women and Trump. Nor does the media take much notice an hour later when Donald brings the four victims as his guests to the debate.

Bill “The Internist” Clinton, hands-down winner of the creepiest former shkspr4Chief Potentate, alive or dead, having turned the Chief Potentate’s Palace into a frat cave party zone during his first residential stay. Staunch partner-in-crime to Hillary, who shares the unquenchable thirst for power and purse that ultimately sparked and propelled (along with Sex) most of the diverse scandals that have riddled the public and private lives of the Clintons.

Never one to pass up an easy dollar, (or an easy woman, for that matter) Bill Clinton set up the multi-billion-dollar Clinton Foundation as a giant money laundering machine to harvest all the dollars Hillary could shake loose from foreign regimes while serving as Secretary of State. The Foundation’s much-ballyhooed good works are fronts for raising vast sums, most of which go to pay for the foundation’s administrative costs and fund-raising.

Another institution that exists to serve no greater cause than itself. Just like its founders!

shyBernie “The Innocent” Sanders, populist politician, socialist-leaning Senator, thwarted candidate for the Dollarcratic nomination; victim of massive election fraud and voter suppression by the very woman he now finds himself endorsing for the presidency. An endorsement leading, inevitably, he believes, to the detriment and misadventure of his soul and reputation.

Proving once again that all who align their fortunes to that of the Clintons inevitably pay a price.

Eventually, we see Bernie, looking old and tired, still feeling the effects of campaigning 24/7 for the last year, slightly disheveled, his hair ablaze like a white bshalo; he seems a mere “ghost” of his former self, pacing the Capitol’s corridors night after night, like Hamlet’s father’ ghost, calling for vengeance, callng for a redo of the campaign—and still calling for a fifteen dollar minimum wage! He holds up the 2016 Dollarcratic Platform to prove, to anyone who cares, his ideas had an impact on Hillary’s policies. “Not exactly a revolution,” he says, shrugging it off, “but, hey, you gotta start somewhere.”

Barack (Big “O”) Obama; perhaps the most tragic of the play’s characters, his othelpact with the Clintons, forged in the moments just prior to winning his nomination in 2008, while the first blush of victory was still taking hold; and now, eight years later, finds himself facing an aspect of that agreement that will ultimately drag him and his legacy down for all history to see.

Tasked with winding down his second term as Chief Potentate with his credibility and integrity seemingly in shatters, a consequence of his fortunes becoming inextricably joined to those of Hillary Clinton, Obama must now run a government that has little faith left in its Commander and Chief. The government bureaucracy knows—as much as anyone knows— just how far the Obama Justice Dept. and FBI bent the law to serve Hillary’s unshakeable drive to become Chief Potentate.

Obama’s Department of Justice and FBI both shame themselves in their mad rush to vindicate a woman whose negligence truly reaches criminal proportions. oAs Shakespeare opens up the dramatic action of “Queen Hillary And The Donald” we find Barack Obama’s presidency languishing in the doldrums, at the final leg of its journey, its compass set to cruise control and its captain gone from the bridge. Hillary is racing furiously towards the finish line of her odyssey, hoping to cross over before election fraud lawsuits hit the courts or Assange’s next leak contains the dynamite she most fears. Aside from her many campaign issues, Hillary worries—in her place of deepest fears—that the international media will break the scandalous tale of Amerikka’s corporate media censoring and slanting its news to favor her campaign. It’s when calculating the explosive implications of rigging the Dollarcratic primaries and shredding the Amerikkan constitution that she declaims her famous soliloquy, “To Cheat Or Not To Cheat…?” Meanwhile, the president, showing little interest in affairs of state, disappears daily for a pickup game at the Senate gymnasium; after which he usually plays a round of golf with Bill Clinton or George Bush, if time allows.

True to form, Shakespeare saves his last comment about “Queen Hillary And The Donald” for his parting poetic stanza:

And now we must bring down the curtain,

On Hillary, Bill and their Victims Four

Searching for evidence of which we are certain

The FBI woefully missed once before

Proving Bernie not Hillary won the day

And honesty its own victory proclaims

Some potentates are born to palace life

While others born to prison chains.

For never was a story told of more woe and sickly sweets

Than this of Hillary’s emails and The Donald’s 3 am tweets.

——————————————

Read my “HILLARY CHRONICLES,” ten essays about David (Bernie) getting shafted by Goliath (Hillary) and her merry band of Philistines. The ten essays (in order of appearance): “BRAND SUICIDE, the Destruction of the Democratic Brand in 2016,” “The CDC Issues “CLINTON TOXICITY ALERT!” Warns Contact Could Prove Fatal To One’s Reputation,” “DEMOCRATS USE RUSSIANS AS SHIELD TO RE-FOCUS EMAIL STORY—PR PLOY OF THE CENTURY,”  “IS THAT YOUR IDEA OF AN APOLOGY?” AND  “DON’T BLAME ME IF I CRITICIZE HILLARY.” “Battle For The Presidency: The Gonzo Versus The Gonif,  “Sorry Bernie, We Still Can’t Trust Hillary,” “Sorry Hillary, We Can Never Forget—or Forgive—Your Stealing The Nomination,” “CONNECTING THE DOTS”, The Frightening Underbelly of the 2016 Presidential Election, “THE AUDACITY OF AUDACITY, the stealing of the American presidency 2016

Also, my post for young aspiring journalists looking to avoid the obvious pitfalls of working in corporate media: How To Spot A Stolen Presidential Election.

Also about the election: Why Millennials Will Never Vote For Hillary.What Did Obama Know And When Did He Know It?

And lastly, to relive those glorious days of the Bernie campaign, check out mine and Bill Dahlgren’s .“CHANNELING BERNIE,” ad campaign. 51 glorious ads in pursuit of the real American Dream.