Tag Archives: Donald Trump


“Hello, Xi Jinping’s Chinese Garden. Order for pick up or delivery, please?”


“And what is name?”

“And what is name?”

“Donald The President.”

“Donald The President? President of what?”

“Of the United States, you moron! What are you, a Fake News reporter? I’ll tell you when to ask questions. And when you have a question, I want you to raise your hand.” 

“Raise hand? On phone? Why?”

“Again with the questions! Why does everyone want to question me? I guess there’s nobody else worth questioning. That’s because I give great answers. Best answers anywhere. Everyone says so.”

“Are you ready to order, Mr. President?”

“Yes, I’m ordering from your take out menu. (calling to someone in the room) Rudy, Mike, Billy…what do you guys want? (murmurs rise in the distance) Really? (into the phone) Are you ready?”

“Fire away!”

“Just remember, if you take notes of this call, you have to burn them when we’re through.”

“Sure, always burn notes. Only way Chinese Communist restaurant stay in business. What is order, please?”

“First, we want three orders of Shit-on-Biden, extra spicy.”

“Large size or small?”

“Super-size! Can I get those with photos?”

Shit-on-Biden, extra spicy.

“Three order, Shit-on-Biden with photos! You want photos showing Biden fooling around with Chinese women, maybe, or mongrel dogs? Perfect for casual slander or dedicated destruction of reputation. Today’s special: fake photos of Joe Biden naked or in underwear?”

“What kind of underwear?”

Looking good, Joe!


“We’ll take a dozen of both.  Can I get poster sized blow-ups?”

“Of course. Is very popular item on menu.” 

“You know, I just realized something, Xi. This a beautiful phone call. Don’t you think? Simply beautiful. If Lindsey Graham were here kissing my derriere, he’d damn well agree.”


“Next I’d like three orders of Sweet-and-Sour-Bullshit; the kind despots order when they’re winning a trade war.”

“Three order Sweet-and-Sour-Bullshit. With or without beansprouts?”

“Beansprouts? I don’t give a shit about beansprouts. Are you making a joke?”

“Beansprouts! I don’t give a shit about beansprouts.”

“No, no. Sorry, no joke. Also, no beansprouts.”

“Okay, now this is important, I want you to send the bill for our order to the Department of the Treasury, attention Stevie M.”

“Department of Treasury?”

“Did you just ask another question?” 

“Sorry, you not see, I first raise hand.” 

“You sure you’re not working with Crooked Hillary or her skirt-chasing husband? Or perhaps Adam Schiff is wire-tapping this phone call…?”

“Xi Jinping have one more question, Mr. President.”

“I can tell your hand is raised, so ask away.”

“What happen if Treasury Department refuse pay bill?” 

Then send it to Present Zelensky in Kiev. I believe that’s located in Ukraine. If it hasn’t already been moved to Russia.”

“Zelensky is also President?”

President of a shithole country.

“Yeah, but of a shithole country.”

But what if Zelensky tell me ‘no,’ just like Treasury Department?”

“If Zelensky says no, tell him I’ll be sending him those Javelin missiles he asked for. And very soon!

“Oh, and don’t forget the fortune cookies.”

From Donald With Love.

The Question That Will Impeach The Donald*#

Excerpted from “The Tragic Comedy of TRUMPTY DUMPTY, A Play By William Shakespeare (channeled by Paul Steven Stone)

“If only they hadn’t asked the question!”

The Biggest Q of All

Out to bag a big one!

“And then, the biggest question of all: “Were you put in office by Vladimir Putin…to break up NATO…to create instability and chaos…to undermine our military…to construct a burden of debt Amerikka will never escape…to bring Russia back into the G8…to foment trade instability… to sow dissension with our neighbors and allies…to provoke divisions within our own people…to destroy the fabric of Amerikkan society by playing to its worst tendencies…and to leave Amerikka isolated on the world stage?”

*From “The Tragic Comedy of Trumpty Dumpty,” a play written by William Shakespeare (channeled by Paul Steven Stone) and presented as an Over-The-Cliff-Notes version of a recently discovered Shakespearean play. You can find it at: http://www.paulstonesthrow.com/the-tragic-comedy-of-trumpty-dumpty/

#Meant by the author to remind a too-forgetful public that Donald J. Trump, the man we call our president, enlisted the aid of Vladimir Putin to win his office.

Battle For The Presidency. The Gonzo Versus The Gonif.

DonaldThe entire planet should take a deep breath and release a giant, communal “WTF!” Now, everyone standing should get down on their knees and pray to whatever God We Trust that neither of the two major party nominees make it to the Oval Office. If they do, brother, we are definitely fucked.

After six months of primaries and eight months of non-stop nonsense, hillarywe are left with two candidates for the highest office in the land…one who wrote “The Art of the Deal” and parades around the public stage like a narcissistic clown in a Fellini film, the other who perfected “The Art of the Steal” in running for her party’s nomination, the greatest theft in the history of American politics, if not also the clumsiest.

Someone else will have to explain Donald Trump to me. He’s so Gonzo it’s impossible to believe he’s gotten as far as he has running for the presidency—even as a Republican candidate! I watch him purposely walk into wall after wall, as if he’s blindly searching for a door that repeatedly shifts locations; and I don’t know what to make of him. Attacking war heroes; refusing to endorse his own party’s leaders; making inane statements; verbally assaulting women, blacks, Mexicans, reporters with disabilities, the parents of fallen soldiers—the man is totally unpredictable except for the fact he can be expected to say something crass, hateful, childish, sexist or stupid every time someone sticks a microphone in his face.

Is Trump deliberately trying to lose the election? He certainly acts as if he is. Has he made a deal with Hillary and Bill, who seriously know something themselves about making deals? A deal to screw up his campaign so badly the only people who vote for him would have to have suicidal tendencies?

As much as Donald J. mystifies me, I do understand Hillary. I call her The Gonif, or thief, in honor of her successful theft of the Democratic Nomination. I say ‘successful,’ but anyone with eyes and even the shortest attention span must have noticed the massive, blatant and heavy-handed irregularities—not to mention the accompanying stench—that rose like a black cloud across the country from the democratic primary process. Votes were stolen, voters were kept from voting booths, voting lists were purged, party registrations were mysteriously switched, ballots were thrown out or shredded, and all the exit polls showed wild discrepancies from the final results, all these abnormalities coincidentally favoring one candidate to the detriment of the other.

If all of this is news to you, you need to stop getting your news from CNN, NBC, The New York Times, The Boston Globe or any other member of the Mainstream Media-ocrity.

Hillary and Bill are all about two things: Power and Money, the former always leading to the latter. No sooner did Hillary step into her role as Secretary of State than the Clinton money-making apparatus shifted into high gear. No longer selling sleepovers in the Lincoln Room for $50K, they were in the big time now. Russia wanted to buy 20% of the world’s Uranium holdings? All they had to do for Hillary’s approval was pay $500,000 to have Bill fly over and speak at a Russian bank. (Don’t expect Russia to run out of radioactive fuel in the near future.) Saudi Arabia and Qatar wanted approvals to buy sophisticated American weaponry? All it took were multi-million dollar donations to the Clinton Piggy Bank, otherwise known as the Clinton Foundation. There’s more, lots more; so much more I run the risk of boring myself.

So here we stand on the cusp of an American presidential election that makes me feel like I ingested some bad acid. On one side a candidate so unbelievable he’s ideally suited to represent a party that spent the last 20 years denying reality. Any party that denies evolution, climate warming and Obama’s birthright deserves nothing less than a jackass for its presidential nominee.

On the other side, a woman who deserves a prison sentence rather than a four-year term in the White House.

The Gonzo versus The Gonif. I don’t know about you, but I’m voting for Jill Stein. A little less drama and a lot more integrity would be a good thing.

But then there’s also Canada…?


Read my “HILLARY CHRONICLES,” ten essays about David (Bernie) getting shafted by Goliath (Hillary) and her merry band of Philistines. The ten essays (in order of appearance): “BRAND SUICIDE, the Destruction of the Democratic Brand in 2016,” “The CDC Issues “CLINTON TOXICITY ALERT!” Warns Contact Could Prove Fatal To One’s Reputation,” “DEMOCRATS USE RUSSIANS AS SHIELD TO RE-FOCUS EMAIL STORY—PR PLOY OF THE CENTURY,”  “IS THAT YOUR IDEA OF AN APOLOGY?” AND  “DON’T BLAME ME IF I CRITICIZE HILLARY.” “Battle For The Presidency: The Gonzo Versus The Gonif,  “Sorry Bernie, We Still Can’t Trust Hillary,” “Sorry Hillary, We Can Never Forget—or Forgive—Your Stealing The Nomination,” “CONNECTING THE DOTS”, The Frightening Underbelly of the 2016 Presidential Election, “THE AUDACITY OF AUDACITY, the stealing of the American presidency 2016

To relive those glorious days of the Bernie campaign, check out my and Bill Dahlgren’s am.“CHANNELING BERNIE,” ad campaign. 50 glorious ads in pursuit of the real American Dream.




“Don’t Blame Me If I Criticize Hillary!”

halo hillaryThe following was written in response to an email criticizing me for my satirical essay, “THE CDC Issues “CLINTON TOXICITY ALERT!” Warns Contact Could Prove Fatal To One’s Reputation.” The critic faulted me for humorously attacking Hillary and thus helping Trump win the presidency. Having puzzled over just that question myself—Can I criticize Hillary without helping Trump?—I wrote a response that helped clarify the issue; hopefully for my critic, but definitely for myself. Perhaps this could be of help to you and others out there in the shattered realms of BernieLand.

Dear (Name Redacted):

First off, I do not wish for a Donald Trump presidency, nor do I fear that my posting has the power to become a causative factor in that outcome. That being said, I must tell you honestly that a Hillary Clinton presidency would not be much better, except for the probable impact on the Supreme Court makeup. I believe Hillary will take us into war more readily than any of the candidates out there, and I am sick to my core that America has caused so much unnecessary death and destruction around the world. We act as if we were spiteful two-year olds and the planet was our private playground.

I also believe, as my essay indicated, the Clintons have shown themselves to be pigs at the trough of the American political system. If you believe they made (approx.) $130 million in two years without selling something in return, you are a lot less cynical than me. In my essay about their toxicity, I may have jested about them damaging individual lives and careers, as well as the Justice Department, the FBI, and the DNC, but I MEANT IT! I believe they are sordid, money-grubbing opportunists, of which Hillary’s compromising the entire Democratic primary is just another example.

Had Bernie won the nomination, as I think he could have (and possibly did), he could have knocked Trump out of the ring without raising a sweat. Hillary cheated herself into the nomination, and I am not the one to blame for her perfidy. Nor is my essay to blame for a criminal successfully pulling off her crime. If the Democratic Party hasn’t enough integrity to admit the primary process was stolen with its active assistance, or enough sense of honor and civic regard to disqualify the individual who stole their flag, don’t blame anyone who stands up and cries “Foul!”

Deriding people like myself who object to our democracy being degraded by a woman whose very actions prove her unworthy of the presidency, is to blame the messenger for the message.

Blame instead the American media for purposefully ignoring the biggest news event of the year—the theft of the Democratic nomination. Blame Obama for not using his power to stop the election fraud and prevent the subversion of America’s electoral system. Yes, there are plenty of people and institutions to blame before you ever get to me.

In addition to the Clintons, I blame a thoroughly corrupt Democratic Party and a complicit American press that deserves to be vilified for its year-long silence about pervasive and blatant election fraud. And don’t forget to blame the gullible American voters who appear almost eager to buy Trump’s brand of snake oil. But of all these, the Clintons are the most culpable and the ones who, as my essay suggests, spread their toxicity and corruption throughout the halls of government and across the body politic.

If you read another of my recent election-focused posts, “BRAND SUICIDE, The Destruction of the Democratic Brand in 2016,” you’ll see the world as reflected in my eyes when it comes to Hillary and the DNC. Together, they have stolen the nomination, or at least so poisoned and destroyed any hope of a fair Democratic primary process that we will never know for sure who actually won. If you only get your news from the Mainstream Media-ocrity you will have no idea what I am speaking about, which is why I suggest you read “BRAND SUICIDE.”

Returning to your concern about Trump, who I believe couldn’t win the presidency without having Hillary as his opponent, I don’t have a simple answer. Perhaps I’ll start writing satire about him to counteract my writings about Bill and Hillary. There’s too much time between now and November for me to figure out all the wrinkles now.

More likely than my satirical essays damaging Hillary’s chances in the election, I believe Hillary’s own actions will eventually do her in. Something in her past will come up to bite her in the ass, while her docile, unquestioning supporters will be standing out in the rain wondering what happened…?  Hillary and Bill have committed so many questionable acts in their long and scandal-studded careers that someone—WikiLeaks, Guccifer, Gufficer 2 or Guccifer 32—will almost certainly drop a bomb during the election. You can count on it.

In conclusion, Name Redacted, I am not trying to help Trump when I speak my mind about Hillary’s character, or lack thereof. Rather, I feel an obligation to warn my fellow Americans when they are about to bite into something that may look good but is ultimately rotten and bad for their health.

Perhaps, like me, they will then choose to vote for Jill Stein.

In Fellowship,

Paul Steven Stone


Read my “HILLARY CHRONICLES,” ten essays about David (Bernie) getting shafted by Goliath (Hillary) and her merry band of Philistines. The ten essays (in order of appearance): “BRAND SUICIDE, the Destruction of the Democratic Brand in 2016,” “The CDC Issues “CLINTON TOXICITY ALERT!” Warns Contact Could Prove Fatal To One’s Reputation,” “DEMOCRATS USE RUSSIANS AS SHIELD TO RE-FOCUS EMAIL STORY—PR PLOY OF THE CENTURY,”  “IS THAT YOUR IDEA OF AN APOLOGY?” AND  “DON’T BLAME ME IF I CRITICIZE HILLARY.” “Battle For The Presidency: The Gonzo Versus The Gonif,  “Sorry Bernie, We Still Can’t Trust Hillary,” “Sorry Hillary, We Can Never Forget—or Forgive—Your Stealing The Nomination,” “CONNECTING THE DOTS”, The Frightening Underbelly of the 2016 Presidential Election, “THE AUDACITY OF AUDACITY, the stealing of the American presidency 2016

To relive those glorious days of the Bernie campaign, check out my and Bill Dahlgren’s am.“CHANNELING BERNIE,” ad campaign. 50 glorious ads in pursuit of the real American Dream.

CHANNELING BERNIE: The Complete Campaign

This is truly a grass roots advertising campaign. And yet it’s wholly epic in the great American tradition. Two advertising veterans creating an online campaign for Bernie Sanders’ seemingly quixotic reach for the presidency. Grass roots yes, but hopefully not half as amateurish as the email blasts most political campaigns send out. It’s been an amazing journey, creating these ads, one in which I’ve honestly felt like I’ve been channeling the candidate’s vision and perspective. Or else he’s been in my head over the years and I didn’t know it. You choose…!

BE AWARE: These ads were developed as Bernie’s campaign evolved, so some will use facts or figures from earlier in the campaign, while others have been obsolesced by the movement of events. Feel free to share any of them, but be aware I plan to upgrade ALL ads before we go into the general election.

Ad #1: Developed to inoculate Bernie against attacks for being a Socialist. (see below the following text for the remaining ads in our CHANNELING BERNIE campaign.)


Originally, I thought I would just work out a campaign concept that Bernie might use in his email outreach, one that offered a little more punch than the run of the mill stuff he’d been sending out. A concept, you see,  that had more intelligence and sex appeal, but was still relevant to Bernie, his campaign and his audience.

Of course once I got started, these ads/essays had a life of their own. So far, we’ve created over fifty ads/essays in this first leg of the journey—Primary Season. We’ll see where—if anywhere—things go from here. At the very least, these Bernie ads/essays offer a quick look at the wrongs Bernie will set right, his specific stances on specific issues, while some offer glimpses of others in the race. Here again, all of it channeling Bernie’s positions to the best of my understanding and ability.

A short word about the format of the ads/essays. I saw an ad in a Cleo Award Show book that gave me the idea to have my headlines serve as the start and finish to an ad’s entire copy statement. I’m not sure why, but the ads are highly compelling. It could be the reader’s natural curiosity about how the author made the start and the finish of the copy fit within the narrative flow—or could there be some momentum-building effect by having the beginning of an ad suddenly leap to the ad’s conclusion? Either way, the ads/essays are uniquely readable in this format, and possibly more engaging than the usual run of political online or print ads.

And so, with art direction by Bill Dahlgren, concept and copy by Paul Steven Stone, I offer for your inspection, enjoyment and further distribution the 51 ads—yes, 51!— that make up the Primary Phase of our “Channeling Bernie” advertising campaign. Actually, ad #51 is actually an attack on our opponent from the primaries, a woman who is not worthy of the presidency.


Ad #2: On The Issue of Gun Control


#3: Intended to inoculate Bernie from attacks for being a Jew from Brooklyn. Also focused on combatting the electability issue head on.


Ad #4: Donald Trump ‘tribute.’


Ad #5: A ‘Love Song’ for Hillary.


Ad #6: Playing with an obvious and natural branding theme for Bernie.


Ad #7: My idea of how the campaign might ask for money. With a little more humor and panache. “Contribute” button would hyper-link to donor page.


Ad #8: Slight rant about those F@%king guys who gave the American economy a wedgie of giant proportions. Most readers, I believe, got the Wizard of Oz connection to “Liars, Tigers and Bare Greed! Oh my!”BERNIE_AD_8_SFTW

Ad #9: My second Donald Trump tribute. Also, bringing back the Grumpy Old Man.


Ad #10: We are millions!


Ad #11: Moveon.org’s endorsement was a big deal, man. Real big!


Ad #12: I always loved the book title, “What Makes Sammy Run?” A great book by Budd Schulberg. Borrowing from Mr. Schulberg seemed to suit my purpose here.


Ad #13: Lucky 13 concerns those screw-up Republicans in all their Bush-whacking glory!


Ad #14: Are we hot or what!!


Ad #15: Bernie’s version of pro-life.


Ad #16: After seeing Bernie’s TV ad, “America” another Paul Simon song came to mind.


Ad #17: It’s the establishment’s turn to panic as they realize, “Oh my God, this guy’s for real!”


Ad #18: Wherein I speak directly to the Middle Class.


Ad #19: For those who would prefer their politics seasoned with less money and more public involvement.


Ad #20: And so we begin to break tHillary Clinton’s stranglehold on the Black Vote.


Ad #21: About those Goldman Sachs campaign donations…?


Ad #22:  Have you started to wonder about things, to ask yourself why America seems so poor. And where did all the money go?


Ad #23: The man is a mensch! He sees, he cares, he acts.


Ad #24: Anybody notice Hillary’s shift to the left during the campaign, as Bernie’s messaging gets stronger and more universally accepted?


Ad #25: Doesn’t cost much to clean up government, just an average of $27!


Ad #26: The Road to the White House is festooned with obstacles, challenges and, yes, bandits. 


Ad #27: He’s the Real Deal, Solid Gold, A Man For All Seasons and A Real Mensch!


Ad #28: Let’s take a moment out to talk about our Republican “Friends”


Ad #28a: An then we had a little fun with Ad #28a.


Ad #29: As for Brass Balls on Steroids, you can’t beat our GOP would-be-Presidents!BERNIE_AD_29_SFTW

Ad #30: The Final Word; this time on Black Rights and Wrongs.


Ad #31: Hillary’s African-American support is a prime example of a population segment voting against its own best interest.


Ad #32: Bernie is the Real Deal. Over a long political career, he’s consistently supported the people over the corporations; the people over the insiders and the wealthy; the people over those who would use government to fleece the people.


Ad #33: Evidence is mounting that Hillary and Bill are trying to steal the nomination. Time to take off the kid gloves.


Ad #34: It’s All About TRUST!


Ad #35: Oh, so Hillary doesn’t won’t debate in New York, won’t she!


Ad #36: Really folks, are you seriously considering a candidate who is the subject of an active FBI investigation? And what’s going to happen when the shit from the Panama Papers hits the fan?


Ad #37: Bernie speaks to the Pope, Hillary testifies before the FBI. A contrast that says it all when comparing the two Democratic candidates for the presidency.




Ad #40: How did things ever get this bad? And why did it take one man to wake us up to the truth?


Ad #41: Trying to succinctly define the incredible opportunity Bernie Sanders represents.


Ad #42: And now let’s pay a little attention to Hillary’s flaws. If a woman with $111 million can be said to have any flaws.


Ad #43: Wherein I appear to be F#%king Fed up with all this ELECTION FRAUD!


Ad #44: Can you believe the outright bias and censorship of the Mainstream Media-ocrity!


Ad #45: A snapshot of Hillary’s Election Fraud Machine at work.


Ad #46: The Fraudster strikes again! This time with the help of the Associated Press, and the DNC’s California stooges.


Ad #47: Rome Burns while the F.B.I. Fiddles!


Ad #48: A final ad to express our thanks for all Bernie has done. And that’s quite a lot!


Ad # 49: It was time for a musical break.


Ad #50: And then came Bernie’s endorsement of Hillary…


Ad #51: We just had to address the craziness of the leading contender for the presidency trying to cross the finish line before being hauled off to jail.