THE UNITED HATES OF AMERICA

Gotta be quick. Things are happening fast.

Saw my President on TV last night and he sent me the signal, “Stand back. Stand by!”

To most of you, it was just another “Fucked up thing,” your crazy president said, but to me, it was as close to the national anthem as one can get without raising a flag.

“Stand back. Stand by!” Just another way of saying “Lock and load!” except only those of us who know the code, know what it means.

“Stand back. Stand by!” Take the safety off your trigger and be prepared to follow our boy Kyle Rittenhouse into deadly battle. Kyle only killed two-and-a-half black-loving, free-lovin’ Democratic hippy protesters (the ‘half’ is ’cause he only shot off one guy’s trigger arm) but then Kyle was a trailblazer and only needed to show us the way.

“Stand back. Stand by!” Stand by the door boys. We’re the only thing standing between our president and the sickos, psychos, socialists and pinkos out to get him and tear down our once proud American traditions. Traditions like keeping blacks in their place and keeping whites in charge, saluting the Confederate flag and defending our right to buy semi-automatic rifles and pistols.

“Stand back. Stand by!” Keep your shooting eye poised on those blue-bellied fuckin’ Democrats; before we’re done we might have to shoot them all. We’ll see what our leader says.

“Stand back. Stand by!” You gotta hand it to my President. What a great fuckin’ debate!

THE GREAT AMERICAN CLEARANCE SALE

Come one, come all to Donald Trump’s Great American Clearance Sale! This is a once-in-a-lifetime clearance sale of items deemed excess or obsolete by President Trump and his League of Extraordinary Co-conspirators. 

Imagine your company’s logo on the sign above.
There’s even a place for your mailbox.

As a further inducement, each bill of sale will be signed and authenticated by William Barr, Mike Pompeo, Roger Stone or Paul Manaford (if his pardon arrives in time).

All items must go. Bring cash, walk away with your favorite American icons! No reasonable offer refused. Items on sale include:

Long a favorite American escape, Yosemite is perfect for outlandish desecration and monetization.

421 National Parks, including guest lodges, administrative offices and all in-park wildlife. Perfect for hunters, logging companies, mining interests and, of course, nature lovers.

The Island of Puerto Rico: long a vacation paradise, as well as an under-represented, impoverished American territory, Puerto Rico is the perfect home-away-from-home for an American billionaire or Russian oligarch. Ideal opportunity for a foreign despot to gain a foothold in American airspace. Bring plenty of paper towels, if you plan to allow the natives to stay on the island. Reports of devastating hurricane damage and non-existent electrical service are all fake news. Puerto Rico hasn’t been hit by a hurricane in recent memory.

Imagine your corporate logo flying
from the rotunda!

The Capitol Building, Washington, D.C.: Actually, at present, only the House of Representatives is available, but the Senate could also be in the catalog by early November. Ideal for anyone looking for a large storage area in Central D.C., though in fair disclosure we must warn there have been outbreaks of conscience, honor and integrity in both buildings, but nothing that won’t disappear under strict Republican management.

And the cherry on the Clearance Sale cupcake…

Choose a new corporate logo, with exclusive usage rights,
from all American military badges and emblems.

The Grand Canyon: This item will not last! We already have offers from the Consolidated Tire Storage Industry, as well as strip mining interests, a North Korean weapons manufacturer and the Disney Corporation. Combine this purchase with the federally controlled Colorado River, which runs the length of the canyon, and you could be looking at one of the world’s largest amusement park sites with its own transportation system.

NAVY SEAL OPS EQUIPMENT.
From our military equipment menu in the Phase Two catalog.

This is merely Phase One of The Great American Clearance Sale. Phase Two will begin once we determine how much of the President’s $421 million debt will be covered by Phase One sales proceeds. Phase two items on sale will include the pride of America’s military aircraft, air carriers and assorted weaponry. All sales are final.

Purchasers are responsible for evicting American occupants found on purchased properties. For a small fee, purchasers can hire American military units to carry out the evictions.

TO ALL FEDERAL EMPLOYEES: JUST SAY “NO!”

To any U.S. Gov’t. employee ordered by Trump, Barr, Pompeo or any of Swamp Creatures’ minions to violate your responsibility to the American people, DON’T DO IT! Civilian employee or military, “Just say “NO!”

You’re in deep shit when you elect a president who would be king!

As he has proven countless times, Trump will do anything, say anything—violate any oath—to win re-election. Had he worked as hard to govern our country these last four years, he might actually deserve reelection. But as someone recently said, “It is what it is.” 

When asked to violate your values, your oath to the Constitution, JUST SAY “NO!”

Most worrisome, the U.S. government has become so politicized that Trump’s high level stooges have shown no hesitation in using their positions of power to disgrace themselves in service to their leader. Whether it’s crippling the post office, mounting a bogus political investigation, hiding the truth about a pandemic, or extorting political favors from Ukraine, the Trump gang is without any moral compass or inhibitions. 

When asked to violate your values, your oath to the Constitution, or your personal commitment to integrity, JUST SAY NO!” 

Make no mistake, it will not be easy. In standing up to these scrubbed-up thugs and sycophants, you’ll be displaying the courage and integrity they so sorely lack. And they will hate you for it. But in taking a stand, as others are doing in increasing numbers, you will help create momentum for a post-election commission to forge a pathway back to jobs abandoned by PRISONERS OF CONSCIENCE in our government. 

It will not be easy standing up to these scrubbed-up thugs and sycophants.

Make no mistake, the Trump gang will be in full panic mode leading up to the election, and they will have no hesitation in enlisting your assistance, even though that would be illegal. You had best be prepared and assume you will be tested. 

And when that time comes…

JUST SAY “NO!” to participating in political actions you will regret all your life.

IMPEACH THE BASTARD!

Let’s help Donald Trump make history!
As the first president to be impeached twice.

IMPEACH THE BASTARD! NO MORE KID GLOVES, PLEASE!

Donald Trump has committed a grossly impeachable offense with his dereliction of duty in ignoring the Coronavirus.

Play it one more time, please!

Tapes prove in Trump’s own voice that he not only knew about the coming “plague” as he called it, but that he chose to lie to the American people. He was still lying up to the minute he was confronted with tapes that showed he knew the truth about the deadly virus.

If you are uncertain about the magnitude of Trump’s malfeasance, consider that Canada has experienced only 9,211 deaths as of September 20, 2020! The same day the U.S. coronavirus death total topped 200,000.

In choosing to lie rather than act, in treating the rising threat as a PR problem rather than a matter of life and death, tens of thousands of Americans died unnecessarily, and are continuing to die in the face of his continuing failure to act or develop a national plan.

And when Trump finally chose to act, it was only to set state against state, competing against each other to procure life-saving medical equipment and personal protective gear. Equipment that could have been manufactured by American companies under the Defense Emergency Act. Equipment that could have been manufactured in the time Trump wasted leading up to the pandemic.

Members of Congress, If you do nothing else before events continue to spiral downward and out of control, IMPEACH DONALD TRUMP FOR DERELICTION OF DUTY and GROSS NEGLIGENCE LEADING TO MASS MANSLAUGHTER.

It’s the least we can do.

Not sure we can prove treason, but dereliction of duty is a dunk shot.

THE SCUMBAG FACTOR

Bad things happen when you elect a president who would be king!

Even if you support Swamp Creature’s policies, you cannot easily defend his character (or lack thereof). He is a devout liar. He lies repeatedly, constantly and with no concern for the impact of his lies. The Washington Post has counted over 20,000 lies or falsehoods since our national agony first began. And don’t forget, his lies now come with a mounting death toll!

A walk among the losers and suckers.

Trump doesn’t just disdain soldiers, the honored dead, Black-Americans, Native-Americans, immigrants, citizens of “shithole” countries and those struggling to survive in America today, he disdains ANYONE who doesn’t share his white-privileged world view, ANYONE who refuses to pay him obeisance, ANYONE who obstructs his attempts to totally dominate the American Constitution and its institutions. Trump is the only president to mount a full-bore frontal assault on the Constitution, far greater than anything attempted by Richard Nixon. Our American system of checks and balances has been thrown out the window and is currently on life support.

Trump, Melania and Jeffrey Epstein

Simply put, the man is a creep! He ogles teenage girls, makes salacious comments as the mood and his libido moves him. He treats women like objects. To date, 25 women have accused him of actions—from groping to rape—usually perpetrated by sexual predators. His acts of petty revenge are reminiscent of a mob boss who regularly proves his viciousness to keep his thugs in line.

I keep waiting to see some flicker of compassion or concern for those whose lives he has forever altered by his criminally negligent response to the coronavirus. The man hasn’t a smidgeon of compassion. He has basically washed his hands of the wildfire destruction out West and its thousands of American victims. His only response was a convenient prediction that colder weather will soon extinguish the flames. Frighteningly similar to his prediction that the virus would simply disappear.

Sorry, we’re closed!

Where is the compassion for those who come to us seeking refuge and shelter? If any country deserves to have a Statue of Liberty welcoming “huddled masses yearning to breathe free” it isn’t Trump’s America. Right this moment, his underlings are separating families at the border and putting children in cages.

Lastly for now, Swamp Creature has NO INTEGRITY. He and his cronies have virtually looted the United States Treasury. One way or another his children are on the government dime. He routinely charges full price—up to $650 a night—to house Secret Service agents forced by their mission to stay at his hotels. He has placed incompetent cronies and campaign workers in critical government positions. His foreign relations more commonly serve Russia’s benefit than America’s. Single-handedly, Trump has made a mockery of the emoluments clause of the Constitution.

Today, the painful truth is, America’s president is unworthy of its founders’ vision or its historical commitment to serve as a bulwark to protect democracy. Today, the greatest threat to democracy is the man elected to defend it.

Simply put, folks, THIS MAN IS A SCUMBAG and we have to vote him out! It’s way past time Trump paid a price for his divisive, criminal, and boorish behavior. 

It’s also time we told Putin to get the hell out of our lives!